Getting a balance & time for us is often one of the hardest things to do. Now you may not like what I am about to say, BUT if you can’t get the balance its something that you are doing or not doing, a way you are feeling about yourself, and restricting your success as a whole person – nobody else can make it happen only YOU! Saying that, we can support you and help you develop the skills and tools you need to get more consistency, and allow yourself to be more of who YOU want to be – whilst juggling all aspects of your life.
Are you an entrepreneur? Are you a mother? Are you a lover? Are you a combination of many different things, wearing different hats? OR can you wear just one hat – be everything you want to be all at once?
If you feel you have a good balance of everything you want, a clear identity, and more often than not you have this nailed then you probably wont want to read any further. However if, like me, you struggle to know who you are at times, and get a balance when you need it most, then keep on reading and lets see how we can work towards achieving a more consistent balance in our lives – who are we?
What happens when you say the following words: entrepreneur, mother or lover? You can add words that you feel define who you are at times, make it fit your situation, you may be an employee, a step parent, and so on. Think about the main words that describe you and then say them to yourself and see what happens?
Notice your reaction to each of the words, do they make you smile and feel happy, do they make you cringe, do they make you feel worried or concerned? Then think about saying them out loud to others and what does that bring up for you? I will give you an insight into some of mine as an example so you can see what I mean!
Entrepreneur – Hmmm, quite like the sound of that, I feel proud that I have developed my own business and work for myself but then do I earn enough money to use this word, am I successful enough to call myself this? I see others who I perceive to be more successful at this than me. Then thinking about saying this out loud to others brings up more new stuff, will they think I just don’t do very much, and why doesn’t she just get a job!
Mother – This fills me with pride and fear all at the same time! Eek! I think I am a pretty good parent most of the time but I also know I can get it very wrong at times but this is part of being a parent in my view, so I am OK with that. I feel that this SHOULD always be my priority but with my therapist hat on, I know I need to put myself first at times to make myself an even better parent! When I say this out loud I sometimes think will people judge me for doing so many other things, going away for weekends without my daughter and sometimes putting myself first. I also sometimes feel judged when the next question that comes along is, how many children do you have, to which I answer one! Does this make me less of a parent in comparison to someone who juggles having 2, 3 or 4 children?
Lover – Should I even be saying this word, does it just imply sex? Is that wrong? To me this indicates my intimate relationship with my husband and I don’t just mean sex, I mean the closeness and the togetherness that you have with each other, separate to being a family unit and a parent. You may call it something else. Will people judge me for even using this word, as I am a mum, should this not even be a priority! Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to be this person? Is it important for me and why? This is not even something I would usually say out loud so I must fear being judged, not sure why? Maybe its a fear of other parents and entrepreneurs thinking things like, well my business is my priority at the moment to provide, my children come first and so this is a nice to have but doesn’t happen. Does this mean I am prioritising incorrectly?
OK so these are just some examples of thoughts and feelings that come up, yours may be very different but the principle is the same, how do you perceive yourself versus what you would like to balance in your life? Could I have all of the above? Of course why not, but it will only be available to me if I allow it and deal with the restrictions I place on myself.
Looking at what comes up for you when you say these words to yourself or out loud will give you an insight into your comfort zone and how you may want to be perceived versus what you actually genuinely want in your life. You may be happy with one main role in your life, and again that’s OK, if its not broken then don’t try and fix it. I would never work with a client, as a therapist, who was sent by someone else but didn’t feel they actually wanted any change for themselves but rather just for others! It would waste both of our times.
Here are 6 tips to getting closer to what you really want!
*Know what that actually is in the first place! We can’t reach any goal if we don’t know where the end is. Saying YOUR words like I described above, may help you get an insight into this based on your reaction from saying the words.
*Authenticity – By this I mean, think about what you really want and ensure that it is not about pleasing others. Now of course as parents, business owners, employees and so on we have responsibilities for others, but we also have a responsibility for ourselves, which can often get over looked! If you get this bit sorted I promise others will benefit even more from you, it will have a great positive knock on affect!
*Permission – This may sound a bit simple but can make a huge difference! Tell yourself that it is OK for you to get what you really want. Tell others around you where you are heading and what you want and who you are! Saying out loud will help! Write it down, just make sure it is known and that you are going to allow yourself to get what you want!
*Empathy – We are big on empathy at Shift Happens because whatever we do we are going to face discomfort and difficulties and we need to be empathic with ourselves when things don’t go exactly as we want, we may mess up! That’s normal! We are usually great at empathising with others but how often do you tell yourself that you empathise? Say things like, ‘I can really see and understand why that was difficult for me’.
*Trial and error – I know having experienced years of therapy as a client and a therapist, that what we think we want can change as we may tend to be drawn to what we think we SHOULD do rather than what we like to do and so this can shape our visions and goals. Sometimes it’s about trying things and changing as we go along.
*REMEBER – YOU are fabulous just as you are, we are all work in progress, that’s part of the fun! So whatever stage of this journey you are at, that’s fine, it’s your journey, your life, and your vision! Keep Being Fabulous!